I'm moving on. I have a career, wonderful family, and I deserve someone great with alot to offer.

This time, I will move on.

I practiced yoga today. I'm happy. I had chopsuey for dinner and a leche flan. But I'm still happy because I attended my yoga class. Sometimes, I think I do yoga just so I can eat. Nah, I do yoga because it makes everything seem less important. I don't obsess about what I eat, not as much anyway. And it makes me feel good about myself. Yes, it is working. Bikram knows what he is saying after all. I told my boyfriend that I will never live in a place where there is no bikram yoga center. It just changed my life for the better. I'm more confident, less conscious of myself, and most importantly, less aware of what everybody else thinks. I just do my work, practice my yoga, talk to my boyfriend, and I write in this journal. Life can't get any better. There's is still a room for improvement of course when it comes to caring what other people think or say. It has always been a struggle and a form of distraction for me. But with yoga, I learned to focus, to have an open mind and a sense of humor. Sometimes we get stuck in the present, we forget that the things we worry won't really matter in the greater scheme of things. That's yoga for me. Know yoga, know peace. I just want to be focused on things that matter like my work, my boyfriend, my family and my clothing. Those are the things that fills my life. It makes life worth living, the things that make me happy. And I'm working on that positive attitude deal. The Secret. Laws of Attraction. The whole deal.

I messed up at work today but I have to move on. It is, after all, part of the learning experience. We have to make mistakes. Of course I didn't say anything to the partner. And I will deny anything and everything when he finds out. I just hope he doesn't find out because I don't want to go through the lying and denial. It is just tedious. Then again, being a lawyer does not only mean in depth knowledge of the law. To a certain extent, one needs acting skills and an unfazed demeanor that will belie the obvious. In any case, I hoping against hope that the partner and the client won't find out. Please God. It bothered me a lot a while ago. But my boyfriend told me to forget about it because it is just part of the experience. We messed up sometimes. And it is done. There's nothing I can do about it but pray and move on with the lesson that from now on, I will have to watch everytime that comes out of my mouth because that's just the way it is. Yes, hello ms. positive attitude!

On a different note, our firm is factious. Not the partners because really, all they care about is that the clients pay. But the other associates. I hate it when they whisper to each other while the others (me included) just look at them, or pretend to look somewhere else. It is rude. I mean, I consider it rude when Chinese people talk in their "ni hao" language around non-speakers. How much more when people whisper in front of you? Oh well, it is just rude. That's just my point. Stop whispering. If the topic is not meant to be heard by other people, then I'm sorry, but that will just have to wait. Say it when nobody else is there.

Ah, I have a new assignment at work. Design application for this particular shoe. I'm so excited. I haven't done anything like that before. And I can't wait to learn something new. And it's a shoe! How perfect is that!

I was at NLRC again today. Two days in a row now. The other party moved for submission of position papers and the mandatory conference was thereafter terminated. That means I have a new item in my to-do-list - position paper. Go me!

I haven't done yoga in three days. For a self-confessed yoga addict, that means one month. It is a big deal, seriously. Everytime I eat something, well, unhealthy like a taro pie from McDonalds, my lissome body (in my jejune fantasies) gets attacked by guilt. And it's a feeling I can do without. I have too many deadlines. I need to eat to make myself feel better! But I'm so scared that after a month, I won't be a size small anymore. Then, I'd have to kill myself. I just need to do yoga. I know, people have bigger problems and I should just basked in contentment with the life I have. ..Oh well. 

Basta, I have to practice yoga. I promised myself I will do yoga AT LEAST 4 times a week. It's a thursday already tomorrow, and I have been to one class still. The week is almost over. HAVE TO DO YOGA TOMORROW!

Imagine, being in a room full of relatives, some familiar, offering their congratulations to you, and you wonder what else could you do to show your appreciation for their presence, aside from saying the usual, "thank you, and thank you for coming". That was me tonight. I just had my thanksgiving party. I was going to skip updating this journal because I'm sleepy but I figured, I'm too content...or what is that feeling that everything is in place? Well, I have that feeling and I want put it on the record, through this journal. Not because it is rare to feel like that, but it seemed like a momentous occasion that it deserves an entry in this journal.

My relatives were all present tonight, especially the ones that I haven't seen in a long time. It is very hard not to be affected by their mere presence at this party because all along, I thought I don't exist in their world. They haven't existed in mine, not for the past year or so, at least. But they were here tonight, took the time out of their weekends, and celebrate with me and my family. Some of them told me how they were all waiting for the bar results. Yes, it turns out I wasn't the only one praying for successful bar exams. Well, in their case, the reason might lie on that thin line between charity and selfishness. After all, if there's a lawyer in the family, someone is obliged to represent them, pro bono. But I don't mind. On a purely selfish level, I like the feeling of being needed, in any way. All of us wants to be a superhero to someone else. And if this is the way I can be of help, then let it be. Don't get me wrong, I plan to have it all - a nice car, an apartment with a view, a truly fantastic shoe collection, and I really want to be clothed in elegant timeless threads, preferably expensive but not necessarily. Maybe, you can throw a Chanel purse in that list. But whatever, clearly I have superficial desires too. And I plan to satisfy them in the near future. However, if my family needs help, then yes, it's free. It is probably a bigger risk for them than for me if they hire me anyway, considering that I haven't had any concrete experience yet on fighting it out in court. Yes, I need to start working soon. I won't elaborate on this point because that will demand another journal entry, sometime in the future. 

Ahh yeah, they kept asking me when I will get married. "No offers yet" is my usual answer. Not the best answer, I figured, because that will lead to an array of questions on my so-called lovelife, and the absence of my boyfriend in the party. Not to mention, why is he taking his damn time instead of running towards the civil registry for the marriage license in order to marry the new hot (such adjective is included to add to the effect) lawyer as soon as possible?!? ^^ Ha! The topic I don't want to discuss. But I couldn't really blame them. It is a juicy topic tho, to a certain extent. It is like, she has passed the bar, where is the boyfriend? Heck, I want to know too. WHERE IS THE BOYFRIEND? Seriously, we are all curious.
      

I'm in front of my computer eating sliced papaya from our backyard and looking for anything online with MatsuJun on it. Seriously, what am I doing with my life?! Even my father was worried, since I don't seem to have any immediate plans of working. I just keep on talking about any Japanese-related stuff. Sometimes I throw Japanese phrases in the air, even if nobody understands me in the house, just because I want to.

Of course, I plan to work. Hello. I have to finance my imminent Japan trip.

But i'm not going to think about it now. I just passed the bar exams, and I don't want to spend my days worrying. I just want to enjoy the remaining days (before I work) reveling in the heavenly feeling of having passed the bar, and indulge in my current obsession. So here I am, in front of my computer, giddy like a fangirl should be.

Life is good.